"You're either for us or against us." No that's not Jesus, it's George W. Bush.

If ever there was a temptation to divide the world into pure good and pure evil, it is now. Osama bin Laden like Hitler, is easily dismissed and justifiably so as an evil man. But what about people 'closer to home'? Not iconic figures but people a bit like you and me.

Watching TV's Mafia show, The Sopranos, you realise the challenge to the viewer is about the reconciliation of opposing forces. All our lives we've been taught to demonise gangsters as evil men. What if we were shown a criminal who like us has a family and like us wants all the same things we want: a loving partner and children, good relationships, the respect of his peers. Unlike us this man spends half of his life inflicting clear-eyed wilful damage on the lives and property of our neighbours. Can we cast him out?

It makes it hard doesn't it? We can't condemn Tony Soprano out of hand, we can't paint him black and toss him into the wilderness. What makes it even harder is that the dark side of his life is so attractive.

The Sopranos is a viagra boost for the middle-aged (that's people over 35 kids). At 40, 50, 60, 80, with beer bellies, ear hair and stress disorders, Tony Soprano and his ilk have it all: money, power, girls, fast cars, and a limited vocabulary. They rule over their Friends/Dharma and Greg/Buffy-age young Turks, and viewers over a certain age love them for it. Like Tony Soprano's terrifying Mother, who could make Hugh Hefner feel guilty, it doesn't matter if you're two walking sticks off a rest home, you can still decide to wipe out your own son.

The problem is that this 'fun' ends pretty quickly. The strain of keeping two separate lives, one white-picket-fence family, one bloody-cruel-violent 'family' apart take its toll. Tony's visits to a psychiatrist are the least of his worries. The biggest impact of his double life is on his children.

In a recent episode Tony's son, who up until now has believed his father to be the All-American dad who reads him stories and plays baseball, finds out the truth. At the funeral of a Mafia leader father Tony catches a glimpse of son, watching him from a distance. Once closely held in bear-hug embraces, Tony's son is now unable to bridge the gap between them. He wants to be with the father that played with him but now he only sees blood. The two images don't fit together. It's not right.

So what does he do with that? What do we do with it? At what point do we condemn people like Tony Soprano? Is reconciliation possible for all or only for those on our side of the white picket fence who keep our dark desires hidden away?