Brian Thomas Reports

Weird is Wonderful in the World of Wedlock, or so the popular media would have us believe.Exchange one's vows whilst skydiving, amid a madding shopping mall, or even ensconced in a front-end loader (it's been done!), and television's obsession with novelty may well deliver a primetime audience to the wedding. Oh, nuptial bliss.

Church weddings, on the other hand, are popularly portrayed as either tiresomely stuffy or a comedy of errors. Witness Rowan Atkinson's pantomime as the wet cleric in Four Weddings and a Funeral - "in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Goat" - and you'd wonder why any non-religious couple would choose to come within a mile of a religious celebrant.

And yet they do. Not as many as in previous years, but still a fair proportion of young romantics who otherwise might not know a baptismal font from a birdbath. Is it only the stained-glass tradition that draws them? Or do they genuinely seek a spiritual dimension to their marriage, albeit one that may sit lightly to orthodox Christianity?

Rev Michael Thawley, minister at Cashmere Hills in Christchurch, finds that nearly all the couples who come to him say they want God to be part of their marriage and that "the love we are experiencing is God's gift."

He works closely with each couple to devise a ceremony that reflects their beliefs and values, and says he is "constantly surprised and humbled" by the faith they bring and by their courage in approaching an institution which has been slow to allow personal expressions of faith.

As part of a couple's preparation he asks them to write a prayer for the service - expressing their thanks for the people and circumstances that have shaped their individuality - "and some of those prayers are exquisite, especially ones by 'secular' couples."

Rev David Clark, at St Luke's (Remuera) in Auckland, also is struck by the 'spiritual awareness' of couples with no formal connections to church. Like Michael Thawley, he respects each couple's freedom of belief and works with them to devise a ceremony that fits their spirituality. And often that means leaving aside the Bible in favour of readings from literary sources "that are nevertheless profound and spiritual."

"I'm more interested in the broader 'spiritual' dimension than in the narrower 'religious' perspective, and I explore this with couples before they put their service together," he says. Which may account for why even couples who approach civil celebrants still hanker after a traditional marriage, in wording if not venue.

Evelyn Johnston, a busy civil celebrant in Hamilton and also a Presbyterian elder, attributes the rise in outdoor civil ceremonies not just to a secular preference but also to a perception that clergy will marry only within the church building - which is actually the rule, if not the practice, for some denominations.

She pulls material from a number of church resources, including the New Zealand Anglican Prayer Book and Rev Doug Pratt's 'Celebrating Marriage', and allows every couple the opportunity to include a religious element in the service. Most pass on the offer, although occasionally a prayer or scripture reading is chosen, usually to honour the faith of parents or grandparents.

The good news in all of this, of course, is that the vow to love and honour (if not obey) is hardly ever said lightly. A sacred commitment, in other words - irrespective of whether it takes place in a church, on a mountaintop, or...yes, even in a front-end loader.