Gems From the Archives   The Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa New Zealand Archives Research Centre contain many humorous or fascinating items which we shall be placing on this page for your interest.

"The Rev Kennedy Elliott Cracks his 101st Joke" PCNZ General Assembly "Proceedings" of 1904

* The Minister 'Fleeced' by his Parishioner! :

Mr James Strachan, a bootmaker in Warepa in South Otago, was bemoaning to the Rev Bannerman the small turnover he made at his profession. "Well", said the Minister, "you should have two charges. A stiffer price for those who can afford to pay, and your normal price for poorer folk." On another occasion Rev Bannerman was collecting a pair of boots that had been repaired by the said bootmaker and was surprised at being charged the higher price. "Well", said Mr Strachan, "You have sheep?". "Oh no, I have not", replied Rev Bannerman. "Yes, you are a shepherd, and you shear your flock well, so yours is the dearer price."[From South Clutha Parish History, 1966]

* A Sudden Improvement in Congregational Hearing?!?!?! :

Sometime after 1969, the Wyndham Presbyterian Church in Southland installed a sound amplification sytem in the Church to aid hearing. With the need to carefully and delicately adjust the new apparatus, the congregation complained that it was either too loud, too soft, or too hollow. So, one Sunday the Rev Burns left the sound system off completely. Many commented on how well they had heard the service!
[from the "Wyndham Presbyterian Church Centennial Record 1874-1974"]

* The Hazards of Attending Church :

In 1873, the parishioners at East Taieri Presbyterian Church in Otago found that the varnish on their new pews became "soft and adhesive", while in 1889 parishioners at Matawhero Church near Gisborne were subjected to oil overflowing from over-filled hanging oil lamps.

* Intoxicating Sermons? :

The Rev W. Gray Dixon of St David's Church, Auckland "was an ex-professor of 'belles lettres' [beautiful writing]; a widely-read student of Church history;a truly erudite [learned & scholarly] theologian; a preacher who loved to wander through sunlit meadows; pelt his people with violets and primroses, and intoxicate them with perfumes : withal a man whose courtly, gracious manner, and utter affability, disarmed prejudice, and, coupled with his other gifts, secured for him the status of a leader". (From "The Story of St David's, Auckland", 1921)

* A Wonderful Welcome for his Wife! :

In May 1896, the Rev Peter Milne, long time Missionary on the island of Nguna in the New Hebrides (now called Vanuatu), had been "consumed with anxiety" as the Mission vessel "Dayspring", which was carrying his wife and child, was almost six weeks late returning from Sydney and could easily have been lost at sea. Unbeknown to Rev Milne, the "Dayspring", although late, had gone out of her way to 'deliver' Mrs Milne to Nguna on this particular day, it being her husband's birthday. The Rev Milne was at the time holding a Sabbath morning service in the Island Church. A native girl spied Mrs Milne approaching and at that point the native congregation immediately poured out of church to greet her. The Rev Milne on first speaking to his wife could only say "You've come", followed by "You might have waited till we had taken up the collection"... (From "Peter Milne of Nguna", 1927)

* What a Shame!

A woman parishioner speaking to a former Minister revisiting his old Parish :

"Your name isn't on our new Memorial Communion Table with those of our other past [i.e. deceased....] ministers. What a shame!" (From "The Outlook", Jan 1954)

* A Cheery Welcome to Sunday Worship?

In 1949, workers from a nearby hydro construction camp had come to the local Church for Sunday worship. Accordingly the Minister during the service welcomed "the dam visitors".

* "How I was Expelled From Knox College" :

In 1919, a returned war serviceman who had spent some time in Palestine as a machine gunner was invited to Knox College (and Theological Hall) in Dunedin to speak to the Master, Professor William Hewitson. Having heard that he had been stationed in the Holy Land, including acting as Padre to his unit as well as undertaking some "exploring", Prof. Hewitson was very keen to hear all about his experiences and observations. Unfortunately, Prof Hewitson was suffering at the time from shingles and confined to bed. Being shown up to his bedroom by Mrs Hewitson he received a hearty welcome from the Master but was told by Mrs Hewitson "That I had not to stay more than half an hour". When the allotted time was up, the Professor would not let him go, obviously enjoying the conversation. When Mrs Hewitson returned she was furious and ordered him out.

"The Professor raised not a word in my defence so I shrunk down the stairs like a whipped shoolboy, let myself out the front door and never dared return. I found that to be Master of Knox College did not apply to that portion of it [the Master's Lodge which adjoined the College]."

* "Thinking More of You Than Even my Wife" :

A well respected Minister, who acted as Secretary for a Church Committee, wrote in 1913 to the Convenor of his Committee to discuss a weighty issue :

"My Dear Convenor,

I feel as if I want two or three solid hours talk with you; instead I must be content with this lame substitute. Mrs XXX dreamt last night that she saw you sleeping with me; and no small wonder, for I have been thinking more of you than even of my wife these three days."

* "Sacrificed Not a Particle of his Usual Dignity" :

As a pioneer mid 19th century Minister, the Rev Thomas Burns made many trips throughout his extended pastorate. One night at Taieri Ferry, his endeavours to sleep were hindered by "some small and unwelcome occupants already in possession". He thus arose at an early hour with sore and aching limbs from his uncomfortable rest.

On another occasion, a muddy bank left bare by the ebbing tide at Lake Waihola necessitated himself and two Elders to be carried out to a small boat by a local carpenter. The Elders were carried out without mishap but the 'body of divinity' proved too heavy for the carpenter, sinking deep into the mud. It is stated that "the Minister sacrificed not a particle of his usual dignity, although for the rest of the day, like the image of Nebuchadnezzar's dream, his feet were partially clay". (Copied from "the Outlook" 17 March 1948)

* "We'll Write to the County Council" :

Travelling by boat on Lake Wanaka to conduct a service at Makarora in 1937, the Rev John Ryley, experienced rather a rough trip. This was not uncommon but on this occasion the trip was evidently worse than most. The boatman, being normally a man of few words, afterwards remarked "Mr Ryley, I think we'll write to the County Council about the pot holes in this lake." (Copied from "the Outlook" 17 March 1948)

* "Too 'Giddy' To Be Entrusted With Grave Responsibilities...." :

In 1864,  enquiries were undertaken to find a suitable Minister for the new charge of Tapanui in Southland. Of the three candidates, one smoked and "fear of the baneful effects of his example ruled him out". Of the second, he went out pig hunting, "an act of frivolity that ruined whatever prospects he might otherwise have had. He was too 'giddy' to be entrusted with grave responsibilities. Had he gone sheep-stealing, it is possible his chances might have been considerably improved!". (from "The Tapanui Courier", 24 Feb 1915)

The reference to "Sheep Stealing" alludes to the exploits of the likeable sheep rustler, James MacKenzie, after whom the MacKenzie Country in the heart of the South Island High Country is named. In 1855 McKenzie stole 1,000 sheep then attempted to 'hide' them in what is now the Mackenzie basin. His audacious exploits, imprisonment with hard labour, and an eventual free pardon has earnt him nothing but admiration as a revered New Zealand folk hero.

* "The Rain had a Bad Habit of Dripping Through...." :

The newly formed St Andrew's Dunedin congregation worshipped in a canvas Church from Nov 1861 through to Apr 1862. Although capable of holding 250 persons, it had no floor and the seating was of the most primitive kind. On the very day of opening, it is recorded that the wind caused a large rent in the roof, right over the Minister's head. On wet days the rain had a bad habit of dripping through. The congregation prospered despite the unsuitability of the accomodation however a permanent building project advanced speedily!

* "How To Get Rid of Your Minister" :

Copied from the NZ Presbyterian Church "Outlook" magazine, 30 March 1968 -

1. Sit up front; smile and say "Amen" every time he says something good - he'll preach himself to death.
2. Voice your appreciation of what he's doing for the Church and community - he'll work himself to death.
3. Increase your offering - he'll die from shock.
4. Tell him you've decided to join the visitation committee to help win souls for the Lord - he'll die of heart failure.
5. Get the whole congregation to band together and pray for him - he'll become so good that some other parish will be glad to take him off your hands.

If none of these plans works, accept him as God's man for the place, co-operate and work with him to accomplish something for the glory of God.

* The Obvious Solution... And Save Money! :

The St Andrew's Queenstown Session were faced with a vexatious issue in 1952, ie how to improve the performance of their [pump] organ. The following minute records for posterity their brilliant solution which would hopefully not only solve the problem, but also save precious Parish funds!

"...that an Electrolux be purchased to work the organ and also to be used in the ordinary way of cleaning."

As no further mention is made of the organ, it appears that their 'solution' was entirely successful. An Electrolux at this time could be arranged to 'blow' or 'suck' hence acting as a blower for an organ was not as fanciful as it would appear. No doubt the Church cleaners were equally satisfied with their newly provided vacuum cleaner!

* "Its Very Existence is Seriously Imperilled" :

An extract from the Caversham Parish Dunedin Jubilee History of 1924 :

"Ladies Guild - There is no organisation of our Church that deserves so much recognition and praise as does the Ladies' Guild. Every religious body has at last been compelled to acknowledge that, unless it organises its sisterhood, its usefulness, its success, nay its very existence, is seriously imperilled. Our Presbyterian Church recognises this fact. It has found that, without the active assistance of the women, its finances are crippled and even its spiritual progress hindered."

* "Surely an Urchin Hath Done This" :

Some time prior to 1924, the Caversham Presbyterian Church Dunedin Girls Club bought and presented to the Church a small but good organ [harmonium] for use in the 'back hall'.

"The Minister, Rev Daniel Dutton was invited to attend a meeting and accept the instrument on behalf of the Church. After the ceremony was concluded, the time came to sing a hymn. The members all stood, took a good deep breath; the organist worked her feet vigorously, but alas! not a sound. The girls waited almost breathlessly for the sweet tones of their organ. Then they coaxed and wheedled, pulled stops, worked the bellows, but the thing was dumb. They had to sing without it. Next day the repairer reported, 'surely an urchin hath done this.' A block of wood was under the pedals."

* An Automaton in the Pulpit? :

An extract from a discussion paper held in the Archives concerning the introduction of instrumental music into the Presbyterian Church in England dated 1856. This same debate took place in the New Zealand Church at a slightly later date :

"....it is maintained that instruments will improve our psalmody. This I call the lazy man's argument. Because we fail to perform our part we must devolve it on a mechanical deputy. On the same principle we may have many other innovations. For instance, just as there are congregations which have not the gift of singing, so there are ministers who have not the gift of prayer..... Would not the best way to obviate this be to take another leaf from our neighbour's book, and at once adopt a Liturgy ? And having done this might we not take one step more, and go on unto perfection ?

As there are many ministers, who are not interesting preachers, would it not be a good plan to furnish each church with a little library of ready-made lithographed sermons; and then, with an automaton in the pulpit giving off the orthodox and eloquent compositions in a stentorian voice, we should be saved all anxiety about the health of the minister, and the church would be saved all these troublesome problems about the sustentation [financial support] of the ministry. But some of us think that there is a more excellent way. Instead of music by machinery, a praying apparatus, and a preaching automaton, would it not be better to stir up the gift that is in us, and serve the Most High with the best of those powers with which he has endowed ourselves ?"

* An Atheist's Worst Moment :

The worst moment for an atheist is when he feels grateful and has no one to thank.

* Easier to Get Into the Kingdon of Heaven..... :

Mr David Norrie, a Student Home Missionary and son of the pioneer New Zealand Presbyterian Minister the Rev Thomas Norrie, hoped to also enter the ordained Ministry but appears to have not succeeded. He wrote in reference to examinations that "Is is irreverently said that it is harder to get into the Presbyterian Ministry than into the Kingdon of Heaven." He should therefore have had some sympathy for his Father who would have been required to preach a Sermon in Latin during his Theology training in Scotland prior to Ordination.

* Courtesy of the Austrian Imperial Army! :

The carillon of 9 bells which ring out melodiously from St Pauls Presbyterian Church tower in Invercargill are quite unique in having been cast in Italy about 1925 by Messers Daciano, Colbachini & Sons from bronze cannons captured by the Italians from the Austrian Imperial Army during World War One. The bronze from which the cannons were manufactured is said to be the best bell-bronze in the world.

* An Occult Power? :

The Rev HW Burridge of St Paul's Invercargill wrote this forward to an Annual Report sometime between 1911 and 1919; words which would still - unfortunately - equally apply today :

"Please do not delay to inform me of cases of sickness among the congregation. Some seem to imagine that a Minister is possessed of an occult power, denied to ordinary humanity, by which he can divine the presence of sickness in a home, or that he will unfailingly detect the absence from Church for one or two Sundays of a particular worshipper. In both these qualities I am afraid I am defective and I must therefore ask for your help."

* "A 'Backwards' Move Forward in East Taieri Parish :

The Parish of East Taieri in Otago purchased a 'Ford' Model T car for their Minister in 1919, costing £259. The Rev D McCosh related how, upon driving to his first parish marriage after his induction in 1920, he found the only way to ascend Saddle Hill was to turn the car around and drive up backwards. Such a necessity was not unkown in early cars where the petrol would not flow to the carburettor should the tank not be full and the car on an incline. A new Chevrolet car was purchased in 1923 and one hopes the problem did not re-occur!

* Some Good Advice From the Minister..... :

In the early 1890's, the Kirk Session at Southbridge Presbyterian Church discussed a very contentious issue. Upon the Minister asking for a vote the following responses are believed to have been given :

• "He had arrived after the meeting opened. As he hadn't heard all the discussion, he wouldn't voice an opinion".
• "He was somewhat hard of hearing and didn't know whether he had heard all sides of the argument".
• "Couldn't mind the time, so wished to reserve his position".
• "Thought there was merit in all points of view and was neither for nor against".

"Well, gentlemen, said the Minister, "we have failed to reach a consensus of opinion, so I'll just pronounce the benediction and we'll all go home!"

* The Women of the Congregation Have Their Say [Way!] :

In 1893, with the approval of the local Minister, the St Paul's Parish Choir from Christchurch were invited to sing at the Southbridge Presbyterian Church Annual Meeting. Naturally feeling rather angry at being rejected by this usurping, the Southbridge Choir "threatened to walk out in a body". A deputation of Church Managers waited on the Choir to appease their wrath. The members of the Choir were not consoled and the Managers then "decided to forego the annual meeting on account of the antagonistic feeling of the Choir". But shortly thereafter the decision of the Managers was curiously rescinded. Then, upon the ladies of the congregation being approached to supply refreshments, the Managers were informed "That the women could not provide tea for the audience at the sacred concert [prior to the Annual meeting]." The managers obviously accepted defeat and moved "That owing to uncontrollable circumstances, the committee regret and feel obliged to dispense with the meeting as already arranged."

One thankfully reads that the Southbridge Choir were heartily thanked for their participation at the 1894 annual meeting, so peace and goodwill was obviously restored in the congregation.

* "Let us all Rise and Sing..... 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'....." :

During the days of the Naseby Union Church in Central Otago prior to 1872, a "musical box" which played 100 sacred tunes and the same number of secular airs was always set up beforehand to play the "Auld Hundredth" (the 100th Psalm) at the appointed time. One day, the congregation received somewhat of a shock when some wag set the machine incorrectly so that the rather innapropriate tune "Yankee Doodle Dandy" was played. The "dreadful instrument" had to be set outside until four secular pieces had finished playing before the machine could be reset to play the correct tune.

* "He will think our Surgical  efforts are bordering on Homicide"

An extract from a medical report written by Dr Porteous, a NZ Medical Missionary working in a temporary hospital in the Punjab region of India in 1912 :

"The scene is our operating room with mud floor and 2 barred windowless spaces(with bars to keep out monkeys and shutters to keep out the rain), opening onto the dusty street. The room is narrow, with just enough space for our wooden table, on which operations are done. On a ledge, up near the roof .... we notice a pigeon
sitting. So congenial and homely had it found the dusty surroundings that it never dreamt it was intruding. Here it built it's nest and laid it's eggs, and no one ever thought of disturbing it.  Let no medical man read this, or he will think our surgical efforts are bordering on homicide; but at the same time if he could look up to the ceiling of this room he might have a passing feeling of sympathy for us Doctors. The roof is so eaten by white ants that one of our Indian workers told us it might fall on our heads at any time".

* "It sank down to the level of a common hired drudge of the lowest grade" :

Read what the Rev. Thomas Burns had to say when the original First Church building in Dunedin was destroyed by fire in 1865, by clicking HERE. His humorous comments will appear in a new window.

* Make Use of Purgatory! :

The Rev Father Walter of the Roman Catholic Church accompanied the Rev Thomas Norrie to New Zealand by the sailing ship "Joseph Fletcher" in 1855, both settling in the Auckland area and thereafter remaining good friends. Father Walter was a striking figure in Panmure, riding a white horse and frequenting the horse races - where he no doubt met a few of his Parishioners! Rev Norrie once asked him how it was that he was able to get so much money for building Churches when he himself had so much difficulty to raise funds and that in spite of the fact that his people were more prosperous than those of the Roman Catholic Church. The genial Father replied "get some purgatory into your theology" [ie : make 'use' of purgatory]. Those of the Catholic faith believed that they could try and pay their way out of purgatory [that place where souls resided after death in order to atone for past wrong-doings for which absolution had been given in life prior to going onto Heaven], by giving liberally to the Church during their lifetime. It appears that Father Walter's parishioners gave liberally!

* "Nearly Shook the Ivy off the Church....." :

Click Here to find out why the Knox Church Dunedin Organist "sweat most awfully", the Choirmaster nearly fainted, and the Elders were shocked !

* "The Pope of the Taieri" :

An early example of ecumenism extracted from a history of East Taieri Presbyterian Church which details pastoral oversight undertaken from 1854 to 1861 by the the Rev William Will over the Catholic settlers who resided within his Parish :

“Until the advent of the saintly Father Moreau of St. Joseph’s, Dunedin, Mr Will was, in that wider parish of 45 miles radius, the only ambassador for Christ of any type. Not a single Priest was there south of Cook’s Strait; and the very few scattered families in all that wide parish gratefully remembered the many
& varied kindnesses shown them by Mr & Mrs Will. In appreciation, they used to speak of Mr Will as the Pope of the Taieri – even those who were separated from him in holy faith.”

* A Fatal Mistake :

Many years ago, a newly licensed student Minister was invited to conduct a service in a country Parish in the south. It is recorded that although he conducted the service with due reverence and all found the subject of his Sermon - and more importantly himself - most acceptable, he made one fatal mistake and thus a "call" was not made for him to be their next Minister.
The fatal mistake ? He made the unforgivable 'sin' of quoting one small (and very innocuous) piece from the writings of that great Scottish bard, Robert Burns. While most of his Parishioners would have been conversant with the writings of Burns, they - and the Session - apparently considered that any quote from the popular but
also rather earthy and colloquial poet was not the place for what would have otherwise been an inspiring and uplifting Sermon. It was not so much what he had quoted but the fact that he had quoted anything from Burns!

* A Morning "wake up" Shower :

"In the Naseby Manse in Central Otago, it was noticed that whenever a snowfall occured a leak developed, and such being very hard to locate, in time part of the covering sagged in one place, but the moisture soon dried up without further damage. It chanced that under such weather conditions a visiting minister once arrived to     conduct the services in the parish, and the bed-chamber allotted to him was the one in which this deficiency existed. The revered gentleman was, it must be stated, decidedly averse to early rising, and indeed, as the morning wore on without any appearance of the visitor, Mrs Smith [wife of the resident minister] was becoming
increasingly anxious about the [impending] hour of worship, when suddenly amid a great noise she heard the minister calling. On entering she found that nature had come to her aid in a most unexpected manner, for, following a slight thaw, an unusual amount of water had collected, the sag had finally become a rent [hole], and as the bed was right under this spot, Mr Lie-a-Bed had received the full benefit of this cold, cold shower" (From "Memories of the Golden Road" by Rev A Don)

* The "Blind" Minister :

The Rev George Barclay of Geraldine suffered to such an extent from failing eyesight that he was forced to travel to England for eye surgery in 1882. Although returning with his eyesight somewhat restored, he is reported to have suffered 'recurrences' of blindness when he could not see the large clock which an Elder had placed in the
Church to gently remind him that his sermons might be a little shorter.....

* "Their Own Selfish Gratification" :

A gem from the days when Sunday running of trains was considered an affront to God's law, being a desecration of the Sabbath day of worship and rest.
This editorial note appeared in the Otago based "Evangelist" magazine of the 1st   December 1873, being written by the Rev Dr James Copland :

"It is a disgrace that in a professedly Christian community we should see public advertisements announcing that the [passenger] Steamer 'Maori' would leave Dunedin on Sunday 9th November, to take passengers to the Christchurch Races and Agricultural Show. The fact itself is not to be wondered at in a community and under a Government that encourages the regular running of Sabbath [Sunday] trains three times each way between Port Chalmers and Dunedin.
We trust that steps will speedily be taken to stop the unjustifiable and illegal running of these Sabbath trains..... We can only trust to those in the community who have regard to anything beyond their own selfish gratification, to discountenance in every way such public outrages against both God and man."

* A Grilling in Church :

The Hamilton's Union Church in Central Otago was opened in 1863 and built almost entirely of corrugated iron. Unfortunately, summer temperatures in Central Otago can rise to an uncomfortable level. The Rev John Pringle who served as a Student Preacher here (probably much to his regret) about 1903-04, related  : "On one memorable occasion I was nearly grilled in the fiery furnace".

It would have been interesting to know the theme of the Sermon that day!

* A Church or a Sailing Ship ? :

The second Tokomairiro Presbyterian Church of 1863 was constructed of wood with a large square and rather ugly tower. Unfortunately the building was stucturally weak and the tower caught the wind and swayed, causing the whole Church to creak and groan like a wooden sailing ship. A memorable storm in Feb 1864 shook the building to such an extent that it was strengthened in a very substantial manner.

While it never occured in New Zealand, a Free Church congregation at Strontian in Scotland were unable to secure land for a Church from the local Church of Scotland landowner so built a floating Church on Loch Sunart in 1846, being reached by rowing boats. Two pieces of the Pulpit Chair are held in our Archives from when this Church was broken up about 1873.

* "We shall fit them into our Decayed Hovel...." :

A tongue in cheek letter written by an obviously over-worked (but very well respected) Principal of an Ecumenical Training College in Australia to the New Zealand Missions Committee Secretary in 1965) -

"Dear XXXX,
It was really wonderful to hear from you again and we are so thrilled to know that you are sending us a further batch of your superb recruits.... We are only regretful that the miserable nature of our Courses - inadequate, misleading, and time-wasting as they are - makes it a virtual misuse of your stewardship resources - but we
certainly appreciate your loyalty.... We shall fit them into our decayed hovel, even if it means shovelling some of the coal outside.
Yours as ever,
 XXXX

P.S. : The horrible thought has just struck me, that probably all this stuff goes into the archives from which future historians of the Presbyterian Church of New Zealand will cull their choicest paragraphs."

The Reply :

"Dear XXXX,
You are quite correct - the imperishable record of your true character will be preserved in the archives of the Presbyterian Church of New Zealand. No matter how you dissemble and generally pull the wool over the eyes of your close associates in Australia, no matter how shiny appears the halo around your head in the imaging of your friends there, the truth will out and from across the Tasman will come the chill winds of reality to disperse the fond illusion!....
Yours Sincerely,
XXXX"

* No Ideas for a Christmas Card....

The Presbyterian Church Film Unit solved this 'problem' with their December 1959 Christmas card. To view the card, which will open in a new window, click HERE.

* "He is a stick of Ecclesiastical candy - a moral peppermint - a Religious chocolate drop" :

A very humorous address entitled "Good And Bad Ministers" written by an American theologian and published in "The NZ Presbyterian" magazine in 1881. To read the address, which will open in a new window, click HERE.

* "That's for inviting that Fat Old Professor to stay the night!"

The Story of Principal Dickie's Bath :

Professor John Dickie, Principal of Knox Theological Hall in Dunedin for many years until his death in 1942, was apparently endowed with a good Scots sense of humour and loved telling a good story even if he made himself the butt of the joke.
He is definitely known to have related a version of this story however the "event" he related appears to be based more on fiction than reality! Here is one version as remembered by someone who apparently heard him tell the story:

"Principal Dickie spent one Theological vacation during his moderatorial year, 1934, on a tour of Parishes, travelling by car. One evening he preached in a small country town, planning to drive on, immediately after the service, to the next Parish on his itinerary. During the service, however, a torrential rainstorm broke, and afterwards, the young Minister, recently returned from his honeymoon, urged Dr Dickie not to travel on in the storm, but to spend the night at his manse. After some persuasion, he accepted the invitation and repaired to the manse. Before retiring for the night, Dr Dickie decided to have a bath. The bath was so situated that the bather sat with his back to the door. A few minutes after Dr Dickie got into the bath, the minister's bride, thinking that was her husband who was bathing, opened the door slightly, reached in with her arm and slapped Dr Dickie on the back, saying :

"That's for inviting Principal Dickie to stay the night' "

One other version uses the more colloquial phrase :

"That's for inviting that fat old Professor to stay the night!"

(From the "Theological Review", Knox College 1971)

* The Rev Will's Moral Stand Against the Evil of Drink :

“On moral grounds, (The Rev Will of East Taieri, Otago) was a strong and decisive preacher. The evil of drink early impressed itself upon his mind, and during all his Ministry he was an uncompromising advocate of temperance(anti drink) reform. With all their virtues, the early settlers were not unanimous in temperance zeal, and some of them heard their Minister with more resignation than enthusiasm…..”

But Meanwhile, Under His Own Roof….

One could hardly begin to imagine the Rev Will’s shame and embarrassment when his second wife ordered a crate of port for “medicinal purposes” (this may have been so), however she happened also to be on the Executive of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union. The local paper became aware of the “story”, with Mrs Will then being asked to resign from the W.C.T.U. and the Rev Will being “reprimanded”.

* A (very) Plain Speaking Missionary :

The Rev Peter Milne (Snr), our veteran Missionary to the New Hebrides, was renowned as a plain speaker who never hesitated to speak his mind but seems also to have been endowed with an exceedingly dry Scots sense of humour.
His late Daughter in law, Mrs Hazel Milne, told the story of Mr Milne calling at the Shipping Office about 1913 to buy a ticket for what was to be his last return to New Zealand. The Clerk asked anxiously "Are you travelling alone?". No doubt somewhat irked by this impudent question Rev Milne retorted "Yes, do you think I'm old enough?" (He was then 79 years of age). On another equally memorable occasion, she related how he had been carried into the annual meeting of the New Hebrides Synod on the shoulders of two other members (the reason is unknown but evidently against his will). The old man protested and then in a rather sardonic mood said  "Our Lord rode on the back of an ass, here am I on the back of two".

* The Fire's Out Madam !

The Rev Thomas Burns DD, the first Presbyterian Minister to the early settlers of Dunedin and the south in 1848 was apparently also rather absent-minded and according to his daughter Agnes, "The most useless of men in domestic matters".
With his mind firmly focused on a book or writing he could not even be relied upon to put coal on the fire in his study which would of course often go out. He would then come out and say to his wife in a rather resigned sort of way "The fire's out madam", of course expecting her to re-light it.

* A Rebuke For the Minister's Wife :

At Sabbath morning service one hot day in First Church Dunedin, the Rev Thomas Burns was observed to pull a large gaudy yellow (thus most inappropriate) handkerchief out of his coat pocket whereupon one woman Parishioner gasped "Oh Mrs Burns!". It was naturally assumed then that it was the duty of the Minister's wife to ensure that her husband was appropriately dressed and thus not show himself up in such an unseemly manner. When Mrs Burns queried him later on the source of "that dreadful handkerchief", he replied that he really
didn't know.....

* No Man should be Condemned when the Sun was down :

A Sharp Rebuke For Auckland Presbytery : "Long suffering wives of Ministers and Elders are known to voice protest... against long sittings of Presbytery meetings when their husbands get home after eleven at night. But it is on record that on one particular occasion before the turn of the Century [prior to 1900], when a knotty problem confronted the fathers and the brethren, the sitting lasted until half past four in the morning. The decision arrived at at this meeting was later reversed by the Assembly and the Assembly Clerk, the Rev JH MacKenzie, in summing up, remarked :
'The Presbytery was continued to an extra-ordinary length and at hours when  men ought to be in bed. There was an old Roman law to the effect that no man should be condemned when the sun was down. It would have been well if Presbytery remembered that' "

* A Gem from the Days of Corsets :

A news item from the New Zealand Presbyterian 'Christian Outlook' Magazine of  22 February 1896 : "The attempt of European ladies to form a league of native girls for the suppression of foot binding in China has fallen through. One native girl is said to have put the case thus -

"We squeezy foot, you squeezy waist, same object, both get husband".

*  How do you Spend Your Sundays ?

A thought provoking comment from the NZ Young Men's Bible Class Movement Magazine "Four Square" from July 1928 : "Seriously now, is it likely that the Lord would have set apart one day in seven from the foundation of the World, merely for digging dandelions and greasing the car ?"

© PCANZ Archives 2007