How many children of prisoners are there in New Zealand? About 20,000.
Verna McFelin, chief executive of Pillars, says her organisation’s research confirms that “when a parent is sent to prison it is often the children who suffer the real punishment”.
Since 1988, Pillars has been providing adult mentors to children with a parent in prison. At the moment, about 70 prisoner families in Christchurch and Auckland have mentors, many from churches.
Verna says “we firmly believe that if every prisoner’s child in New Zealand was matched with a mentor, the crime rate could be reduced by as much as 50 percent in 10 years.”
The impact of the stigma attached to having a parent in jail should not be underestimated. Without intervention, children of prisoners are known to develop the health, emotional and social problems that can lead to criminal behaviour. Children of prisoners are about seven times more likely to end up in prison than any other child.
Peter Kipfer, who attends St Columba @ Botany Downs in Auckland, says he had been a regular volunteer with a prison ministry when he read a Pillars mentoring brochure. “I thought it would be something I could do, so I approached Pillars two years ago and offered myself as a mentor”.
It was through his wife Barbara, who leads a prison ministry with others from St Columba, that Peter first became interested in helping prisoners and their families. “Barbara goes into prisons to take Bible study, and she would always come home from her visits excited because she found it so satisfying to see the difference made”.
Once Peter had his application accepted by Pillars, he was put through rigorous background checks and training. “They have a good screening process including police checks that need to be there because you are working with children. I had many interviews with Pillars prior to being accepted; they really get down to why you want to mentor. I needed all of the training because I do not have children myself.”
Earlier this year, Peter and three other Auckland mentors were matched with prisoners’ children. “Pillars try to find common interests. Children and potential mentors are asked what hobbies they have and what kind of activities they like, such as indoor or outdoor. I was matched with an eight-year-old boy and our first meeting was for each of us to see if we thought it was going to work, if we were a good fit.”
The mentor relationship was a little awkward at first, Peter says, “because you are going on an outing with someone you don’t know, which is not so easy for a child. We were very lucky because on that first outing we clicked.”
The activities that child and mentor do together don’t have to be expensive, he says. “Pillars try to get free tickets to things such as the zoo, and if we go to something like that we write a thank you note afterwards, which is something he hadn’t done before.
“Otherwise we have fun doing free things. On our first trip out together, we walked up a mountain and chased rabbits for an hour and half. We also go to the park and play ball, go to the beach and collect things. He has been to my home - we bought a fruit tree and planted it in my garden.”
The relationship is not always easy-going, Peter says. “He’s eight years old. Sometimes he can be unmotivated and not want to go anywhere or do anything. To get over that, we had a planning session and we worked out some things he wants to do. He wants to do cooking and learn a language so we will. After a few ups and downs, we are in a good place.”
The topic of the boy’s father being in jail comes up, Peter says, and through his Pillars training he knows neither to “initiate it nor push it; when it comes up naturally we just discuss it”.
Pillars mentors make a commitment to work with their child for at least one year, which Peter says is fair or else the child learns to trust someone who could walk out on them. “We are already six months in and the time is flying by. He has told me that I am the only one that ever comes and does fun stuff with him.”
*For more information about Pillars, check out www.pillars.org.nz
By Angela Singer